How to mourn someone who hurt you

By Gabriela Bosquez, a Chicago artist and organizer

I wish I knew the answer

In my heart is a gap of memories I never had
A painful reminder of the relationship we didn’t develop

Our relationship is of two people whose time was cut short And I can’t forgive myself for not forgiving you faster

I’m jealous of the people who knew you better than me, Deep down I don’t think it’s fair

That they got the best parts of you,
but when you were fading away slowly, they weren’t there

I think about how hard it was to plan my father’s funeral How no one can prepare you for that

I think about the arguments, the missed calls I wish I could take it all back

They say you should talk to your angels, but I don’t know what I would say

Losing you came first, then was my faith

As I try to walk my way back into my beliefs
I still can’t understand why this had to happen to me

Why did this happen to you?

I think about heaven more than ever, and I pray that it’s true

Almost a year has passed, and I’ve aged terribly

My whole world has changed, I don’t know what’s left of me

When I remember you, people don’t know what to say And after a while, no one remembers that I’m not okay

When you lose someone, your whole world stops But for everyone else, life goes on

Is there a way to grieve someone who hurt you? Cause I think I’m doing it wrong

Gabriela Bosquez is an interdisciplinary artist, organizer, and former host of Sh*t Talks, Chicago Votes’ interview series that brings young Chicagoans together to discuss political issues affecting our community. Gabriela is a graduate of Carleton College with a B.A in Latin American Studies and a concentration in Educational Studies.